Clearing the Air
by angelsrule
Summary: Alec loves Jace. But Jace doesn't know that. Or does he? Confronted with something Alec has tried so long to avoid, he makes a decision that will change their relationship forever.


Alec shivered at the morning chill that seemed to only occur in his bedroom and reached for a brown sweater thrown over the back of his desk chair. He could hear a scratching at the foot of his door. It sounded like sandpaper on a ceramics bowl. Alec opened the door a crack and looked down.

"Oh, so you're the one who woke me up," he said in a mockingly angry tone. "What's up, Church?"

The cat was now so invested in being kindly scratched that he wouldn't show Alec until he was done. When Alec stood upright again, Church bounded down the hallway.

"Hey, wait up," Alec whispered. He wasn't sure if anyone else was awake this early and he didn't want Isabelle throwing stuff at him like last time. It had been his birthday and he was in an especially good mood. He just wanted everyone else to be happy, too. Although the bruises that Isabelle's boots left behind gave him the impression that not everyone likes waking up to operatic singing.

_Crazy cat_, Alec thought. _It's not like this couldn't wait until later. There's probably nothing up here anyway._ Church was leading him toward the greenhouse that was the highest place in the institute. Climbing up the stone staircase, Alec could feel the moisture and warmth radiating from all the plants. Church stopped at the top step and was apparently waiting for Alec to go inside. Alec was looking around for anything that might be out of place but he saw nothing out of the ordinary in the pale-lit greenhouse. There were flowers, small bushes, a few upside-down growing tomato plants, everything was normal.

Suddenly there was a bright flash and Alec was forced to shut his eyes.

"What are you doing up here?" said a familiar voice. So familiar it was almost filial.

"Jace, do you mind? I can't see anything with that witchlight in my face."

Jace lowered his hand and now Alec could see the half-moon evidence of a sleepless night under his eyes. Other than those dark rims, however, Jace looked perfect. But then he always did in Alec's eyes. Even with bruises and remnants of cuts from their last demon encounter where Jace had basically committed suicide, jumping at the demon's claws. If Izzy hadn't been there with her whip, Jace may not have been breathing right now.

"Are you alright? Why aren't you asleep?" Although Alec was worried, he had long ago learned to not touch Jace in that I'm-worried-about-you-and-I-just-want-to-reassure-myself kind of way. So his arms stayed at his sides.

"I'm fine. I just needed a little oxygen, so I came up here."

"You don't need to hide anything behind jokes, you know. Not from me."

"I wasn't joking. I felt like I couldn't breathe in my room." Jace walked over to the southern-facing side and looked down at the buildings below.

"Oh, so you weren't thinking about your night up here with Clary and wanted to re-live it?"

Jace didn't turn from the window. He didn't move anything at all. Alec was slightly worried he might have stopped breathing but he knew Jace would have fallen down had that been the case.

"How do you know about that?" Jace remained still except for his mouth.

"I heard voices so I was going to see who it was until I recognized your voice and...hers."

"You must have amazing hearing. Seriously, you're supernatural," Jace said in his usual sarcastic tone. Jace turned away from the window and walked right up to Alec. He was so close they could have touched noses by leaning in a couple centimeters. Alec was about to back up a few steps when Jace clasped both his shoulders and held him still. "You're wrong, though. I didn't want to re-live anything. I want to create something new. ... Kiss me."

"What?" Alec whispered, too shocked to know what else to say.

"You heard. Kiss me. I know you want to."

Alec felt frozen in place. Was this a dream and he was going to wake up any second? Was it some kind of bet Jace had made with Isabelle? How did Jace even know how he felt? Who had told him? If it was Izzy, Alec would have to talk to her about keeping others' secrets.

"Who told you?"

"No one. I figured it out myself. It wasn't too hard, you're kind of obvious."

Alec stood perfectly still. He continued to process all that Jace had just said to him. And he knew how he would feel tomorrow if he did what Jace wanted him to do.

"Well, are you gonna kiss me or not?"

"No, I can't!" Alec broke out of Jace's grip. "I know you love Clary, so why are you doing this?"

"I love her as a brother. That's all I'll ever be to her."

"Really?"

"Yes. She's with Simon now and that's good. That's how it should be."

"You stink at lying."

"I'm not lying!" Jace said exasperatedly. "I'm willing to give us a try, if you are."

"I have a bad feeling about this," Alec said, taking a few steps backward.

"Oh, so I was wrong? You don't feel that way about me?"

Alec clenched his jaw. It was painful enough sharing his feelings with anyone else but especially with the person his feelings were about.

"No," Alec said through his teeth. "I _do_ feel something more than brotherly affection for you. But I can't do this."

"Do what?"

"Be in a relationship with someone who doesn't feel the same way about me as I do about them." This last sentence came out so quickly that Jace had to pause for a moment to understand what was said.

"Well, then. I guess this won't work out."

Alec breathed in sharply. The word wasn't said but Alec could interpret Jace's stance and facial expression: never. _I will never love you the way you love me._

"I guess not."

"I'm sorry, Alec. But I'm glad you know."

"Yeah, thanks."

"For what?"

"For telling me, I guess."

Alec stood still for a moment. He reviewed the conversation that had lasted about two minutes. And he came to a conclusion. Looking up at Jace, blond hair, strong jaw, ragged jeans, he said "You're a jerk."

"I get that a lot," Jace replied without hesitation. "You think I should do something to change that?"

"No. Then you wouldn't be you."


End file.
